090809 - Another milestone

It was the worst of times, it was the best of times.

It was my birthday last Sunday. Quite uneventful one. Decided only in the afternoon that maybe it will be nice to have a small makan2 with some close friends. My Malay friend helped to cook nasi goreng kampung dengan sambal ikan bilis (tetiba mengidam nak makan nasi goreng kampung, heh). Invited my Greek friend and one Indian friend from my course and one of my flatmates whom I am quite close to. My Greek friend brought the cake, and I had birthday wishes in 6 languages that day - English, Malay, Chinese, Greek, Hindi, and Punjabi. :)

I had gone through some worst times these past couple of months, and being human, during these times you start searching for THE path. TeaD, in a way, I could understand what you're going through. But I took a more difficult path than you (I think!) or at least the one less traveled. In my search, I have come to three conclusions:

1. I need to unlearn everything that I had already know and relearn it again
2. To go back to the fundamentals, go to the main source that we know is the most valid of all - the Quran and the Sunnah
3. To trust the ilmu and doa that you are always guided to the right ones.

Hence, based on the above, I no longer hold on to a single mazhab but I aim to beramal with the strongest of the dalil regardless whether it is Shafi'e, Hambali, Maliki or Hanafi. This will take more work for me, coz what I need to do is for each of my deeds, I need to learn and record what is the dalil of it and from whom did it came from. I aim to be able to say that "I am doing this particular act because of this specific dalil". Very ambitious I know, and I don't know yet whether it will be successful, but I think right now this is the safest way for me.

Because of this, I don't believe in having to berguru with ONE specific guru yang mursyid, which is what in Tasawwuf and Tarekat normally hold on to. Why should a person restrict him/herself to the knowledge of one particular guru? Can't we have trust in the knowledge of God that no matter who is teaching it, the truth of the knowledge will be there? It's like when u're learning mathematics, no matter who teaches it and in what language it is being taught, 2+2 will always be 4 and 5 x 2 is always 10. There may be a teacher who might teach it differently, hence why you should have as many teachers as possible so that you get more perspective and you learn more. What you may want to do is be selective of who you take as teachers.

Even so, right now, I have become very paranoid about any Islamic knowledge that I receive or hear. Everything that I get, I hold it at arms' length first and try to find ways to verify and double verify it.

Some people may not agree or even like what I am writing here. But this is my stance at the moment, one that I believe in.

It is the best of times because I have a different awareness about myself right now. Which I think is a good thing and I hope it continues. Hence, the birthday that I had dreaded before, I am embracing it with arms wide open.

ps: My birthday gift to myself this year was a roadtrip to Edinburgh and Oban, which I managed to sneak in between my schedule last week :)