Each Ramadhan in the past few years had marked some meaningful milestones in my life. This year is my first to celebrate Ramadhan with my very own family. What made it more meaningful is the fact that my parents are here with us, and will be until mid of the month.
My house has never felt more homey than now after my mother took charge of the kitchen hehe. The house now is living to its full potential with all the areas, nook and crannies are being used to the fullest :D
My pantang days are almost over. Not that I was on a strict regime as my mother is quite reasonable hehe. Plus I am quite cautious of all this pantang larang. To me, there should be a valid reason for doing something or at least if I don't see an adverse effect of doing it. There are however some pantang larang which I would love to follow but circumstances wouldn't allow me to. One of it is to eat newly cooked and hot rice each time, no eating warmed up food. The other is to lie down most of the time and avoid seating up for too long. When u are berpantang in your own home with no maid, there's no way you can lie down most of the time. And walking slowly when your baby is screaming his head off is just unthinkable. Personally, to me, the pantang period is actually a luxury that not all mothers can afford to have.
Anyhow, I do look foward to the end of this confinement period and hopefully can perform my fasting obligation. I will be sad as well though as it means my parents will be going back soon. Even though I am a mother now, you just never tire of being fussed over by ur own mother ;)
It's hard to believe that I am now a mother, even as I hold my baby in my arms.
The delivery itself went quite well, alhamdulillah. Much to my own surprise, I actually managed to go through normal delivery without an epidural. My husband had encouraged me to take the epidural knowing that I had quite low threshold for pain. But after going through several hours of the contractions already, it was the thought of that big needle poking my back that scared me more, hehehe. As I was weighing the idea of going through the pain of epidural and the pain of the actual birth and stitches, the nurse then informed me that it was actually too late already. The baby has decided to come out. :P Sure enough, in less than an hour, I was holding my son on my tummy, while waiting for my husband to cut the cord :)
Some say that the pain disappears when you first hold your baby in your arms. A close friend of mine who went through induced labor and an emergency c-section said she is willing to go though all that again for her boy.
I wouldn't go that far. :P
The pain is real. And I have more and more respect to those mothers who can give birth to 10, 12 children. I also cannot imagine how teenage mothers who gave birth all by themselves in order to hide their pregnancy and baby from their families and societies. Even at a high-tech hospital with a gynae and several nurses helping me, it was not an easy process. Furthermore, I had the added strength from my husband who held my hand throughout and became my hands and legs during the recovery period. I hope and pray that I'll never have to go through labor on my own ever.
One thing that I learnt from this experience: don't go through the pregnancy and labor blind. Read a lot, ask a lot and most of all PRAY a lot. And trust your body to know what is best for itself and the baby that is nurturing inside it.
I was re-reading my last post, talking about change, talking about moving on to the next level in life.
Perhaps that feeling had signified that I am ready to move on to the next level.
Allah indeed is the Most Know-It-All in his blessings. Subhanallah. I've been in awed, humbled and full of gratitude for the last 10 months; at the same time anxious of going through these new phases of God's test.
Almost a year has past, and since then I have become a wife to a wonderful man that Allah had ordained for me.
Almost a year has past, and for the last 36 weeks, I have been carrying God's miracle inside me. A truly beautiful experience that Allah had bestowed upon me :)
Yesterday, I had spent the whole day with my friends doing what I used to love - hanging out, watching movie, shopping and talking about anything and everything. It was fun as I haven't met this friend ever since I came back here. Yet deep down I realized that I don't love the outing like I used to. I felt slightly detached with the whole environment as though I no longer belong there. Perhaps I don't. Perhaps I am now ready to move on with my life, and take on a new step.
I want to say goodbye to the old me and embrace this new person that I want to be. However, I've been conditioned for far too long already that I immediately step into the same old pattern each day. It's a continuous battle day in day out that you almost believe you can't step out of that mold.
The sombreness aside, I truly believe that birthdays are here to remind you of the wonderful and caring people that you have around you. They may not always be visible, but during this important event of your life, they'll take the time to show you they remember and they care.
To all my wonderful and dear friends, thank you for the gift of your friendship.