Weather was nice today and I decided to go study at the Computer Science faculty (it has a nice cafe there). Wore my skirt and my high heels. Terus rasa macam pegi ofis. Heh. Dah lama tak pakai macam tuh. Was in my jeans 98% of the time here.

I'm half looking forward to the bustle of office life, but anxious as well as I've heard some major changes had taken place in my previous department.

Should I contemplate finding experience in London instead? Ms B, any advice? :D

The bitter pill

"And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits; but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (those who are patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly, to Allah we belong and truly to Him we shall return.'' They are those on whom are the Salawat (i.e., who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones."
(Surah al-Baqarah, verse 155-157)

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Have you ever given advice/motivation talk to another person and then realized you are talking to yourself as well? You find yourself handing out the bitter medicine to someone and realized it is the same bitter pill that you have to swallow yourself. I sincerely hope that the medicine will have positive effect on that other person. Mine I feel is still stuck in my throat.

Hujan rahmat di petang Sabtu

A bee seeking shelter under the leaves.

Alhamdulillah, we have a new sister :)

My friend has officially reverted, after the Friday prayers today. Guided by our Uztazah from Egypt, witnessed by several Muslim sisters from all over the world, she recited the syahadah three times. So she is now officially a Muslim.

May Allah ease her journey and give guidance to help her become a good Muslim. Ameen.


ps: Right now, she is a better Muslim than most of us (esp me!) for she is a brand new person, like a new born baby. Siggh...how I wish I could make my book all white and clean again.

Taking things for granted

I had mentioned to a friend recently that I learn the ilmu agama for my own amalan to ensure that I'm doing things right and to strengthen my faith.

So I had a bit of anxiety attack when a friend had expressed her desire to revert to Islam and wanted me to teach her how to solat. I mean, I know how to solat. I know all the doas. But do you know which is the compulsory ones and which is not? I know al-Fatihah is compulsory but is the doa in tahiyyat awal and akhir compulsory as well? Dah la tu pulak, most of the terms that I'm familiar with is in Malay. Nak kena jugak cari the English part. Even harder to teach because she has totally zero knowledge of Islam and cannot read the Quran at all. Alhamdulillah, so far she found it easy to follow.

She hasn't officially revert yet, but she has rejected totally her previous religious beliefs and has stopped doing things that she knows is haram in Islam. She has even stopped eating the normal chicken and plan to find the halal chicken from now on.

I am really, really happy for her, and happy that I could help her in her journey. It isn't easy for her, to suddenly discard what she had believe all her life, what her family still believe in. Yet, while there was so many things that worry her in taking this step, she is so positive and have strong faith that Allah will help her through all this. It really humbled me to see how strong she is and how strong her faith in Allah, even though she just found Him. And she is very eager to learn everything - to learn how to solat, to fast, etc. And she hasn't complained about one single thing that she has to do if she becomes a Muslim. She had even scrapped her plan to return to her hometown in mid August because it will be Ramadhan then and she's afraid she'll not be able to practice Islam if she go back.

I think that we take our religion too much for granted that we don't appreciate the gift that was given to us - the gift of being born Muslim, the gift of knowledge in Islam, and the gift of living in a practicing Muslim country. So we don't show our appreciation by practicing it as best as we could, don't alleviate our faith by learning and learning more about Islam, and we don't wear the badge of Islam with pride. In the past few weeks, I have been reminded how blessed I am to have these gifts. Besides my friend, I had also gotten to know one lady from Azerbaijan during my Tafseer classes. She is born a Muslim, but she lived in a country that doesn't allow her to practice. So she is eager to know all there is about being a Muslim. It is these encounters that had really humbled me. We need to guard our gifts, protect them and appreciate them lest Allah takes them away from us and gave them to a more deserving nation than us.


Note to self:
Learn not only for own benefit, but for the benefit of others as well.

Friends that you can have

I have two people in my class that I would consider to be my close friends here. My coffee buddies to be exact. One is a Greek girl while the other is an Arab from Saudi Arabia.

Before coming to UK, I had never thought that I would ever be talking to a Greek, much less be friends with one. To me then, Greeks were ancient people that lived in textbooks and mythology stories. So it felt quite a novelty for me to be talking to one. I got excited as well when my friend taught me the Greek's alphabets, which are the symbols that we used in our Maths and Physics equation. Ulu tak? Heh.

Meanwhile, my Arab friend had changed totally my perception of Arab women. She doesn't wear the abaya and niqab in UK, but though her clothes are quite modern, they properly cover her that she can just pray in them (which is what she normally does). She's like a normal girl, who loves watching movies, knows most of the popular songs, even worked as a Network Engineer. I would say she is quite like me in this sense, hence why we get on so well. But the more I got to know her, the more that I admire her. And I think that she is truly a blessed person. For one thing, she was born and grew up in Makkah. That alone had me green with envy, masya Allah. Recently, while we were studying together, she mentioned in passing that she memorizes the al-Baqarah. My jaw literally dropped. If someone I know tells me that he/she memorizes Yassin, I wouldn't have blinked an eye. But al-Baqarah??? The longest surah in the Quran?? Masya Allah, la haulawala quwwata illabillah.

Last night, after reading The Tea Drinker's post on him meeting the descendents of Sy Abdul Qadir Gailani r.a., it suddenly triggered me to ask her one question -

"Are you by any chance related to Bani Hashim?" I asked her last night.

"My mother is," she answered, oh so casually.

My jaw dropped again. Wow. I mean, really, wow. In my circle of friends, a blood relation of the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.?? I am still in a daze over this recent knowledge.

She also told me that her mother is coming over to UK soon so I'll be able to meet her.

I am really, really looking forward to that.

TeaD, thank you, thank you for your post that had triggered me to ask this question. :D

Have you ever find yourself doing something for the sake of past history (your own, that is), yet realise you don't have the heart for it anymore? But, you still felt compelled to do it.

I went to watch Transformers 2 today. And I'm still questioning myself why I went.

Going against the world

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else, is the greatest accomplishment"

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Actually though, to be yourself in UK is relatively easy. People couldn't care less about you here - what you are, what you do, what you wear, etc. In fact, you have to make some effort to get people to notice you here.

It is quite liberating, albeit a bit weird at first. When you come from a society that expect you to conform to the general masses in terms of how you behave, what you wear, what you should/shouldn't have and how you think, it was a bit disorienting to find yourself on your own. You are who YOU decide to be.

One of the most important lesson that I learn here is in identifying myself as a Muslim. For some reason, our society in general have some anxiety issues about being a Muslim outside of Malaysia. The media propaganda of Muslims being terrorists and being hated by non-Muslims around the world had instilled this excessive fear in most people. I remember back in 2005 when I had to go to New York, one friend had advised me to wear a small scarf instead so not to look too Muslim. Another friend had also told me how he had advised his wife to not wear her tudung during their trip overseas. Besides this, I've known Malaysians who don't pray when travelling because there isn't any place to pray. On this note, I've learned a lot from my friend and classmate from Saudi. She is a Muslim and she is not afraid to be one in public. During winter, when zuhur and asar's time is very short, she normally used the 10 minutes break that lecturers normally gave us to pray in the class. She just go to one corner in the class and just pray, without caring that the whole class maybe watching her. But as mentioned, people here just don't care about what you do. It is actually all in your mind that they may be criticising you. In fact, they even showed respect by not making too much noise if they are near the place where she is praying. I myself have yet to be this strong and tend to find some secluded place to pray.

Another issue that is a challenge when living and being friends with non-Muslims are the food. We have to be strong enough to inform and educate them on what food we can eat and what we can't. And the good thing about the people here is that they respect your faith and belief. And at times go out of their way to actually accomodate you. Someone had recently organized a bbq, inviting around 20 people from my class. And because there are four of us that are Muslims, she decided to use the Halal chicken only. I was quite touched by her effort on that. But it showed me at least that if I'm strong and keep to my faith, Allah will provide the way.

I am concerned though about going back into the KL society again. Will I be able to maintain my independence and not be sucked into the never-ending rat race and kow-towing to the society 's demand on me again? Heavy thought. Hope I don't drown :p


ps: KFC had opened 8 restaurants in London to be of Halal status. McDonald's had one already and Subway has countless of them all over the country. Isn't it just wonderful to see how a non-Muslim country is slowly embracing the Islamic way of life? :)

A New Chapter - A reflection

I was reflecting to a friend recently how much fun I had in writing in my previous blog and how I'm struggling sometimes to find words to write in here.

I stopped blogging back in 2007 due to certain things that happened in my life back then. But upon receiving confirmation that I'll be coming to UK, I decided to start a new blog. This blog was supposed to document my new life journey as a student again and living in a totally new country on my own. Hence the name A New Chapter. But somehow, it didn't turn out that way. And I realized as well that my style of writing had now changed.

In my previous blog, it was more of me penning out events that happened in my life and putting down my thoughts and feelings on them. Now, I feel a certain reluctance in sharing my private life. What more those that concerns my feelings. In fact, I have even stopped making updates on my facebook. It has crossed my mind once or twice to delete my profile, but the thought of losing the link to my friends are what stopped me.

My writing is now more reflective. An influence from all the essays that I have to write for my Masters course, I guess. (I would like to think that it is a critical thinking work, but that would just be wishful thinking on my part :p). Maybe one day I'll try to put you guys to sleep by writing about systems thinking, which is the theme of my dissertation right now, hehe.

I've written about politics because I think the politics in our country is in a bad shape right now. Plus I absolutely detest people who are hypocrites and applying double standard, regardless of the right and wrong. So I do get a bit emotional on this. I've been talking about the weather a lot as well, maybe because I'm just fascinated by the inter-changeable weather that we have in UK. It still hasn't cease to amaze me how fast things can change here. And I think the locals feel the same way as well, that's why the easiest way to strike up a conversation with the locals here is just to comment on the weather.

I'm also trying to put into words my recent reflections and thoughts that have been occupying my life the past two months. Slowly, it will come. Right now I don't believe I am ready yet. I've made a mistake in entering a discussion with a close friend recently on things that I obviously had little knowledge of. Fortunately, he had the wisdom more than me to back out from it. Well, we live and learn. And I've realized that I have a lot to catch up on.

A New Chapter fits the blog and perhaps the new me, more than I had initially envisioned. Here's to a better me, insya Allah. And hopefully it will lead to better writing, better reflections.

Weather talk again! :p

I saw a friend's picture on facebook today, a picture that reminded me of rain. Suddenly, I'm feeling homesick. I love rain. I love the sounds that they make, especially when they fall on the roof of your house. I love the fresh, cool air that comes with the rain. I love the fresh smells that whiff from the rain (err, except if there's a kandang babi nearby :p). And I especially love it when you woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of pouring rain, and the air is getting cold that you have to snuggle yourself under a blanket, and then you let the sound of the rain lulls you back to sleep. There's a calm feeling that just settles around you.

In UK, it rains most of the times, but it is very light. It doesn't make any noise and it doesn't drench you. It keeps the air cool and fresh but it just doesn't have the same aura as the hard, pouring rain that we have in Malaysia. I do miss the rain. Plus, when the rain pours, that is one of the times that doa is mustajab. :)

ps: Err, do I sound like a Brit who can't talk about anything interesting but the weather? heh, scary thought :p

Crime and Us

Kejadian ragut di Malaysia is apparently becoming more rampant. According to the recent forum on Halaqah, the latest statistics from PDRM stated that between Jan 2009 to April 2009, there had been a total of 3437 reported cases. That brings to an average of 859 cases per month and a total of 28 cases per day! My God!! And apparently as well, these criminals are now so heartless, they'll do anything just to get a few ringgits worth of money.

Besides kes2 ragut, I've also heard of more crimes being committed on the road, esp by mat rempits. Recently, I read from a friend's status, that her colleague was stabbed in the neck. Alhamdulillah, I believe he is recovering right now.

I am now feeling quite anxious about coming back to Malaysia again. Is it still a safe place for us to live there? What has become of our country, of our people? What has become of the moral and akhlak of the citizens?

"Sesungguhnya Allah tidak mengubah apa yang ada pada sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah apa yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri" ( Surah Al-Ra'd: 11 )

Are we being too complacent in putting the whole responsibility for change on the country's leadership, that we forget it all has to start with ourselves? We see thousands of Malaysians now membuat demonstrasi here and there mengutuk kerajaan and what not, but of those thousands, how many are asking to the right source for change to happen? Berapa ramai yang balik dari demonstrasi terus solat dengan khusyuk dan berdoa "Wahai Tuhan kami, berikanlah kepada kami kebaikan di dunia dan kebaikan di akhirat dan peliharalah kami akan azab api Neraka." ?

Of those thousands that kept mengutuk kerajaan about rasuah and guna duit haram, how many of them check themselves everyday - adakah duit, makanan, pakaian, rumah dan segala harta datang dari sumber yang halal? Adakah kita ada ambil kesempatan membuat claim lebih dengan company? Adakah kita amanah dengan kerja kita dan kita yakin gaji kita adalah halal? Adakah kita telah membayar semua hutang pembiayaan pelajaran kita? Adakah pembiayaan rumah dan kereta kita mengikut pembiayaan Islam dan bukan dengan sistem riba? The implication of riba itself is serious but in Malaysia it is taken too lightly by most people. (Check out Uztaz Zaharuddin's blog for more detail on this.)

"Dan dirikanlah solat, sesungguhnya solat itu mencegah dari perbuatan-perbuatan keji dan mungkar" (Surah al-Ankabut: 45)

Based on this ayat, if everyone around us solat, we should be living in a crime-free world right? A world where everyone does good, and no one does any bad things. But we keep hearing of people yang solat lima waktu, tapi ambil rasuah. Solat, tapi mencuri. In this case, it goes back to the implementation of the solat itself and the life surrounding that person. Does the person solat dengan kusyuk dengan penuh pengharapan untuk menjadi hamba yang diredhai Allah? Adakah dia meminta dengan bersungguh-sungguh apabila dia mengucapkan "Tunjukkanlah kami jalan yang lurus" 17 kali sehari? Does he put aim in his heart to be a good muslim? Does he clear his life from eating and taking things that are haram? And does he ask, doa for Allah's help to make him a good Muslim?

“Dan apabila hamba-hamba-Ku bertanya kepadamu (Muhammad) mengenai Aku maka (beritahu kepada mereka): Sesungguhnya Aku (Allah) sentiasa hampir (kepada mereka); Aku perkenankan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila dia berdoa kepada-Ku. Maka hendaklah mereka menyahut seruan-Ku (dengan mematuhi perintah-Ku), dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepada-Ku supaya mereka mendapat petunjuk.” (surah al-Baqarah: 186).

This is a reminder to myself untuk memperbaiki my solat, aim untuk khusyuk and istiqamah, clear my life of anything that is haram, find ilmu, learn Quran and aim untuk beramal dengannya. Insya Allah.

The weather went from a sunny 30degrees C to 10degrees C in a space of one week. That is UK weather for you :p

Of course in winter, I've experienced snow to light rain to sunshine in a space of an hour!

The weather here is soo unpredictable, Subhanallah.

UK Vote - a continuation.

My meeting with my supervisor has been postponed to Monday due to some misunderstanding of time. Sigghh...

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Anyway, just to clear some confusion (for I was myself confused :p), it wasn't a UK election but a European election instead. This is to elect the Members of European Parliament (MEP), which is one of EU's two legislative bodies. There are a total of 785 MEPs where 78 of them will be elected from Britain.

I don't think a lot of people bothered so much about the European elections here (well, in Lancaster at least). I don't see a lot of banners around. The only party that had made some effort is the Conservatives. I received their leaflet "Vote for Change" in my postbox, with their main cause to maintain/increase Britain's independence from EU's tight regulations and standardisation. They are even campaigning against changing the weight metrics from pound to kilogram! :p

What I found really interesting however is the fact that I get to vote as well even though I'm not a resident. I just wonder what would happen if the same policy is being applied in Malaysia. Probably every candidate will start throwing money at foreign students and immigrants like nobody's business. At least right now we know the money is being given to the legal citizens. One way of looking at the bright side of it, right? :p

UK Vote

It is voting day today. And surprise, surprise, I vote! My first time ever. And it's not even for my own country hehe.

I have some thoughts that I wanted to pen down on this. But will have to take a raincheck for now. Have some studies deadlines that I need to meet first :p.