Jadikanlah kami umatMu yang bersyukur Ya Allah..

Remember my friend who had reverted less than three months back?

Well, I am happy to announce that today, she had made her first fast :D :D :D

(She actually wanted to do it last week, but due to err technical issue, she wasn't able to hehe)

We have tazkirah everyday after iftar while waiting for isya' prayer and I'm really happy to see that she's taking in the teachings well. I sometimes worry that the Uztazah may touch on things that may be heavy for her still but so far alhamdulillah, topics like sabar, syukur, handling musibah, about doa and about akhlak were talked about. And she's absorbing them well. In fact last night I had even heard her telling her good friends who were not Muslims what she had learnt at the mosque that night.

She didn't had it easy these past few weeks. At one time, she was on the verge of giving up. You and I who are born Muslims would never get to really understand the stress that she faced - with families and friends who are not supportive of her decisions. Even worst, the guy (a Muslim) that she had put hopes on to guide her, had also abandoned her.

So it was wonderful to see her still hanging on tight to the rope of Islam, and it was humbling to me as well. She worries about what is going to happen in two weeks time, when we all leave this place. How would she be able to practise being a Muslim when she lives with her family who don't approve of it. But despite it all, she is still hang on tight to it, even though it must have felt like she's holding on to a thorny branch. We have all the ease in the world to practise Islam in Malaysia, yet how many hardly bother to? Ironic isn't it? We have all the ease to stay on the rope, yet sometimes we purposely let go of it. We don't value and cherish what we have. And I fear that one day He may take it away from us if we continue the way that we had. Indeed, what is happening right now in Malaysia is going to get worst if we don't wake up and change.

Anyhow, it's officially 52 years today since our Independence. We may be free from being subservient to an external regime, but are we truly free right now? If we are, why do we still live in fear? It is definitely something for us to ponder.

In any case,

Happy 52nd Independence Day Malaysia!

Do you guys ever wonder...

What/where is your place in this life?

What is it that you are meant to do in this world?

What do you have to achieve before you leave this world?

I think I need to answer all these questions before I get back again on the carousel of life.

There is a sense of nostalgia now as I walked through the chilly air underneath a star-filled sky each night. Soon I shall leave this land behind. Soon I shall not see the rolling, green hills as I walk to class with rabbits jumping left and right.

I am still not sure yet how I would feel when I stepped away from this land. Perhaps just emotionless, as what I've grown to be now. Less painful that way.

But relief is what I really need right now.

Ramadhan is here again

It's Ramadhan again. I came to UK in Ramadhan, about 10 days before Raya last year, and now it's Ramadhan again. How time really flies.

Last Ramadhan was the most hectic time for me. Gosh, thinking back, I didn't know how I managed. Work was at the peak time for me, I was trying to complete as much as possible before I handed it over to another colleague(s) (was juggling a few projects at that time). Then there was the issue of trying to find tenant for my house. I think it was during Ramadhan or just before Ramadhan that I got one. And then having to do my passport, my student visa. I remember asking the guard at the visa center to let me go back to office for one hour because I had to attend a meeting, heh. Those were some of the craziest moments in my life. And then the packing, sigghh...dah la kena kosongkan office. Then had to kosongkan rumah as well. Then had to pack for what to bring to UK.

But through it all, I think a lot of things had been permudahkan oleh Allah. I am really thankful for that. When He gives you a rezeki, He will at the same time open the path for you.

I am thankful to Him that I get to fast with my friends in Lancaster this year; friends who have been like a family to me in this one year. And I look forward to submit my dissertation soon as well, insya Allah :)

Selamat berpuasa peeps. Mohon maaf atas segala kekasaran bahasa dan apa sahaja dari saya yang mungkin telah menyinggung perasaan mana2 pihak. To those that personally knows me, forgive me for all my wrongdoings and kalau ada terambil mana2 hak, harap dihalalkan. May this Ramadhan brings barakah to all of us, insya Allah.

Safe water

Early last week, we received notice that due to some maintenance work that was carried out, some air had gone into the water pipe, hence the water is not safe for drinking in the current moment and has to be boiled first. Last Friday though, we had an email from the residence college that says that the water is safe once more.

I am still at a loss on how does UK make their pipe water safe for drinking? Why can't the same process be applied in Malaysia???

My personal birthday gift

I have always been fascinated with Scotland; its clan, its cultures, its language. I love reading books that set its scene in Scotland and of Scottish people. When I first got to UK, it has been in my "list of things to do when in UK" to do a roadtrip to Scotland. Alhamdulillah, just before my birthday, I had the chance to do so.

Though my early ambition was to do a roadtrip up to Fort William, we had to make do with just visiting Edinburgh and Oban. But it was enough. Edinburgh was not as per my expectation. I didn't realize how crowded it was there, that the city I think has lost its beauty. Furthermore, I've always been more interested to see the countryside rather than the city. From Edinburgh we cross the whole Scotland from East to the otherside of the country, to the scenic little seaside town of Oban. I got to know about Oban from a friend's facebook album and fell in love with the natural beauty of the place. And Oban did not disappoint me. It was really beautiful. And the drive towards there were also wonderful. We stopped over at Stirling and Loch Lomond on the way and a few other scenic spots to take pictures. But truly, no camera can really capture the beauty of the place.

An old bridge in Stirling, Scotland

Loch Lomond, Scotland

One of many streams that we passed in the journey

View of the Highlands (err I think!)

Loch Long, Scotland

Beautiful Oban, Scotland

Not sure whom the quote is from, but I found it on a colleague's status this morning and I just love it.

"Faith makes everything possible,

Hope makes everything work,

Love makes everything beautiful.

May you have all the three as you begin each day."

090809 - Another milestone

It was the worst of times, it was the best of times.

It was my birthday last Sunday. Quite uneventful one. Decided only in the afternoon that maybe it will be nice to have a small makan2 with some close friends. My Malay friend helped to cook nasi goreng kampung dengan sambal ikan bilis (tetiba mengidam nak makan nasi goreng kampung, heh). Invited my Greek friend and one Indian friend from my course and one of my flatmates whom I am quite close to. My Greek friend brought the cake, and I had birthday wishes in 6 languages that day - English, Malay, Chinese, Greek, Hindi, and Punjabi. :)

I had gone through some worst times these past couple of months, and being human, during these times you start searching for THE path. TeaD, in a way, I could understand what you're going through. But I took a more difficult path than you (I think!) or at least the one less traveled. In my search, I have come to three conclusions:

1. I need to unlearn everything that I had already know and relearn it again
2. To go back to the fundamentals, go to the main source that we know is the most valid of all - the Quran and the Sunnah
3. To trust the ilmu and doa that you are always guided to the right ones.

Hence, based on the above, I no longer hold on to a single mazhab but I aim to beramal with the strongest of the dalil regardless whether it is Shafi'e, Hambali, Maliki or Hanafi. This will take more work for me, coz what I need to do is for each of my deeds, I need to learn and record what is the dalil of it and from whom did it came from. I aim to be able to say that "I am doing this particular act because of this specific dalil". Very ambitious I know, and I don't know yet whether it will be successful, but I think right now this is the safest way for me.

Because of this, I don't believe in having to berguru with ONE specific guru yang mursyid, which is what in Tasawwuf and Tarekat normally hold on to. Why should a person restrict him/herself to the knowledge of one particular guru? Can't we have trust in the knowledge of God that no matter who is teaching it, the truth of the knowledge will be there? It's like when u're learning mathematics, no matter who teaches it and in what language it is being taught, 2+2 will always be 4 and 5 x 2 is always 10. There may be a teacher who might teach it differently, hence why you should have as many teachers as possible so that you get more perspective and you learn more. What you may want to do is be selective of who you take as teachers.

Even so, right now, I have become very paranoid about any Islamic knowledge that I receive or hear. Everything that I get, I hold it at arms' length first and try to find ways to verify and double verify it.

Some people may not agree or even like what I am writing here. But this is my stance at the moment, one that I believe in.

It is the best of times because I have a different awareness about myself right now. Which I think is a good thing and I hope it continues. Hence, the birthday that I had dreaded before, I am embracing it with arms wide open.

ps: My birthday gift to myself this year was a roadtrip to Edinburgh and Oban, which I managed to sneak in between my schedule last week :)