When change is the only constant in life

“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” - Abraham Maslow

Yet, it’s hard to not fear the unknown, to fear facing the endless what-ifs and possibilities of regrets of the decisions we made today.

Taking strengths from the wise words of these men/women:

 “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

Lao Tzu

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”

C. JoyBell C.

At the end of the day though, it is what Mandy Hale says that really resonates with me....

“Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

How Did You Die? (Edmund Vance Cooke)

 

Did you tackle that trouble that came your way

With a resolute heart and cheerful?

Or hide your face from the light of day

With a craven soul and fearful?

...You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what's that?

Come up with a smiling face...

The harder you're thrown, why the higher you bounce;

Be proud of your blackened eye!

It isn't the fact that you're licked that counts,

It's how did you fight -- and why?

And though you be done to the death, what then?

...It isn't the fact that you're dead that counts,

But only how did you die?

Another milestone

Her CVL has been removed a moment ago. Alhamdulillah. Another milestone out of many more to come.

Relieved and nervous - a mixed feeling for I have known the convenience that it had afford my daughter. It kept her comfortable throughout her treatment that involved daily bloodtaking, transfusion and multiple doses of drugs infused into her.

The creation of CVL is truly a mercy from God, especially for small babies like her.

For the removal, doctor had to set the branular to give her sedation. We hope and pray that will be the last that she'll ever need for the rest of her life. Insya Allah.


Ps: Today is day +81.

Being SAHM

It's Friday.

Being at home, you look forward to evening when your hubby comes home and you can be family again.

I guess that's how my kids feel as well when I came home from work.

My leave is ending soon and I have mixed feelings about it. I do enjoy taking care of my kids at home and layan their antics. But I feel that if I continue being SAHM, I will lose myself. My life will only be about the children. I hardly even have time to blog.

It won't be easy to go back to work again. I need to reflect back what I truly want in life.

Day +60

60 days post transplant.

22 days since we finally left the hospital.

But the journey is far from over.

She is still on 3 meds - CSA, UDC and Acciclovir. She has weekly checkup with the doctor for bloodworks and CVL dressing.

She is strictly on the following diet: no raw food, no plants, no pets and no visitors.

Other than that, she looks healthy, alhamdulillah.

Day +31

Its day +31 of the transplant today. This means that she is now in the 3rd stage of the bone marrow transplant which is the post engraftment period. This stage is until day +100.

In this 3rd stage,  it is about protecting from infection and praying that there won't be any signs of GVHD. And of couse that the marrow will continue to engraft well.

So far, the engraftment has been progressing well alhamdulillah, albeit some yoyo  effect. But doctor seems fine with it, and told us to be patient while it stabilized. Hana had 4 days of no platlet transfusion, until yesterday when it dropped to 9 again. Well, at least it didn't dropped as drastically as when  she was on daily transfusion. Am still hoping that yesterday will be the last transfusion that she'll ever need.

Doctor is targeting to discharge her on Wednesday, 2 days away and 2 days before her 1st birthday. However, I think that we would like to have her platlet stabilized first before we really go home.

Time moves faster now, unlike the first 2 weeks of the transplant when time seems to just crawl.

Alhamdulillah that we can already talk about going back.

Does this ever happen to anyone else?

I make it a point to read a few verses of Quran daily, and many times, the verses answered/discussed the same topic that was playing in my head.

It happen to me a few times but didn't think much of it. But today, just stunned me.

Last night and early this morning, I had replied to a post by my friend, who is a Christian and we end up discussing a bit on the Bible and the Quran.

Just now, I was reading surah Al-'Ankabut and I got to these 2 verses:

Quran 29:46 - And do not argue with the People of the Scripture except in the best manner possible, except those who do wrong among them. And say, "We believe in what was revealed to us, and in what was revealed to you; and our God and your God is One; and to Him we are submissive."

Quran 29:47 - Likewise, We revealed to you the Scripture. Those to whom We gave the Scripture believe in it, and some of these believe in it. None renounce Our communications except the disbelievers.


Subhanallah.