The year that was

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

2009 had given me some of the best experience in my life, but it had also given me the most painful one as well.

Having the opportunity to spend 3 quarters of the year in UK was something that I had hoped for for years but never thought that it would come true. It was a dream that I had almost given up on. I still find it unbelievable that I had got it. The amazing thing about doing the Masters was not the course itself. But it was the whole package - the experience of being in UK, living there, interacting with culturally-diversed people and re-discovering yourself in a totally new environment. The experience was just priceless. I have always value self-improvement for I cannot stand for myself to be stagnant. Life is just too short for that. Surprisingly, I found enlightenment there in UK, more than I had when I spent a month of Ramadhan in Makkah 2 years back.This convinced me that The Light belongs to God, and that He decides who, when and where He will bestowed them. No, by enlightenment I don't mean that I am a saint now, but there is this new awareness inside me, a clearer view of right and wrong that wasn't there before. But I also realize that this is just a starting point. And the journey is still a long one. And I realize that the challenge of just keeping that Light alive is a struggle on its own. That Light though is what made me feel 2009 was the best of times for me.

But 2009 had also brought to me my most painful experience, the bleakest times so far in my life. It had taken me by surprise coz I never thought that that pain existed and that it could happen to me. It had subsided but there is still a fear in me of going through that pain again, knowing that it could be even worst than that. Once bitten, twice shy I guess. Unfortunately, that fear may stay with me even as I stepped into a brand new year.

I don't do resolutions. I stopped since my schooling years. Doesn't really work for me. What I normally do is envision what I want to see myself in the new year. This year though, I had started early. I did it as I entered the new age bracket back in August. Part of the 'enlightened' me I guess. And the vision is to be even more "enlightened" as the new year come and goes.

Let's pray for 2010 to be a better year for us in all aspects of our lives, insya Allah :)

happy...happy...happy

My UK stuffs have finally arrived!!!

I rushed home during lunchtime to received the boxes and couldn’t stop myself from opening them straight away.

As I was holding the sugar and tea jar that I had used back in UK, I felt this sense of happiness, the feeling of homecoming descended upon me. :)

Yes, it doesn’t take a lot to make me happy. Those who had thought of me as high maintenance, well think again :p

La la la la la *skipping in my head*

Sacrificing our loved ones

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha.

It's been a good Raya so far, alhamdulillah. God had paused the rain for these two days to allow us to have a sunny Raya. :)

My mum when all out this time since we didn't celebrate Aidilfitri at home this year. So we've been served one cuisine after another and haven't stop eating since morning. The poor stove had not had any rest since yesterday :p hehe.

Since this is Hari Raya Qurban, as per usual we are being reminded of the sacrifice made by our dear Prophet Ibrahim who was tested by Allah in one of the greatest test any man, any father has to through - to slaughter his own beloved son. This, I believe is one of the highest degree of "sami'naa, wa a'to'naa" (we hear and we obey).

His sacrifice made me reflect upon the tight hold that we have on our loved ones. The love that we have for our loved ones is almost akin to the deadly grasp of an octopus around our heart. The idea of losing our loved ones is like pulling out our heart from our body. In normal situation, this love helps to nurture our relationships and made everything seems rosy. When something bad happened, you will literally feel the tight squeeze in your heart.

I guess it is about learning to let go. The concept of redha is a deep one. One that is not so easily learned, much less mastered.

But master them, we must, for our own sake and sanity.

Updates

It's been a month and a half already since I got back. It had been surprisingly easy to go back into the same routine again. I wasn't very happy about it. I'm fighting it but so far no success. Problem is, I haven't been able to introduce any new alternatives to my life.

I need new life projects!

One thing is in the way now - money. Or the lack of it.

Since coming back, I've been hit by one bill after the other, one expenses on top of others and it just amaze me how fast your money gets depleted from your account.

One thing that I've noticed about being a student (undergrad and postgrad) is the freedom from bills and major expenses. The only bill that I have to worry about for the last one year was my accomodation payment at every quarter.

And while my allowance was quite "ciput" (as compared to current salary), I feel I can afford more things with that ciput allowance than with a 4 figure salary :p.

Anyhow, I guess that is part and parcel of working life I guess.

Well, that's all for today.

Good news is, I'm in the process of putting in the Streamyx connection to my home already, yeay! (though don't expect it to be in my home that soon :p)

I'll leave you with a pantun pengajaran cerita kura-kura dan arnab menurut Upin dan Ipin:

"Jangan tidur di siang hari,
Nanti kalah lumba lari."

Hehehe.

Later folks. I see u when I see u.

Baby, I'm home!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nota kaki:-
*access very limited. Updates of life will be equivalent to twitter-like messages until I get my house connected. Right now, even my shower hose is not properly connected :p *

All my bags are packed, and I'm ready to go...

Well the time is finally here.

So long, farewell...I hate to go and leave this pretty sight.

It's been a great one year. A wonderful dream.
But now it's time to wake up and face the real world again.

The Raya post

This year is my second time celebrating Raya away from my kampung. Last year was the worst, as my Raya was spent in the classroom on my induction day. The bad part was that I didn't even know it was already Raya :p. Luckily there was that Saudi friend of mine who had to 'convinced' me that it was already Raya. That was our salam perkenalan heheh.

This year was a low key event with just us families, an almost complete "ecosystem" with the exception of my brother & co back home. Last time it was all of us in Malaysia, and him in UK. Now terbalik pulak hehehe. I initially looked forward to having just us for Raya. Maybe as I get older, I tend to be more anti-social. I dread going to crowded social events. And Raya can get really crowded. Most of the times, you only get to greet the host with few pleasantaries, eat and then it's hi hi, bye bye and on to the next house. So it has a nice feel to be able to spend Raya just with your immediate families, the ones that love you unconditionally. But upon hearing my brother's voice on pagi Raya, I found myself missing the Raya atmosphere back home. The sound of my dad hurrying everyone early in the morning to for the Eid prayer, the family breakfast before making our Raya rounds, the visits to the most important and closest relatives and of course the variety of foods.

However, there are a few things that I don't miss. I don't miss the hassle of securing my 'balik kampung' ticket and leave. I don't miss the hassle of having to prepare for Raya i.e. Raya clothes, tudung, shoes, handbag, etc. I don't miss having to give duit raya heheh (but my nieces & nephew here dapat la. In pound lagi :p). And most of all, I don't miss the fending off/deflecting of THE question.

It really amazed me how many people seem to really care about my marital status. I don't get how being married will serve anyone else except for my immediate families. Ok, some cousins just wanted an excuse to get together; though isn't Raya was meant to do that already? What sometimes bother me is the insensitivity of some people that pose the question in quite a condensceding way. I say insensitive because I would like to think they don't really meant it that way. But seriously, it's the same as asking a person who has worked 10 years "why aren't you a manager?". It's all about rezeki. Some people have it easy. Some people may get the managerial post within 8 years without doing any credible work at all. Some may work like crazy but it was just not 'written' for them. Similarly about marriage. And about having kids. You have them. Great. Your life is complete. I am happy for you. But don't go and preen over others on it. Though I know my friends who have not been given rezeki anak have it worst.

Heh, a Raya post just gone awry here :p. This part of life in Malaysia is something that I don't look forward to, and I am already bracing myself for the onslaught.

Anyway, today we had some special guests over - The TEKAD family. My friend and her family are off to Durham to start her own Masters journey now. So it's like a selisih di jalanan for us. After a year away from KL, it is nice to see some familiar faces here for Raya. My regret is that I won't get to meet her and hang out with her when I get back nanti. For another year . Wishing you all the best my dear. Enjoy your one year break :)

Hope it is still not too late to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir dan Batin.